A little excitement here in the City by the Bay this week. A local food blogger, Sonya Yu, was sick and tired of a package thief stealing from the front porches in her neighborhood while the cops did nothing.
So she took matters into her own hands and began plotting.
First she went to REI and bought a can of bear spray. This chemical repellant would not only incapacitate her prey but would also have the advantage of humiliating the thief with an orange dye, leaving him painted up like a drunken Longhorn frat boy at DKR stadium. Nothing good comes in orange.
Next, she set up a bait package to tempt the thief to come out of the shadows. She took her position from a second story balcony, as her diabolical plot began to unfold.
Filled with adrenalin and the excitement of finally confronting her nemises, she did what any crime fighter does while ticking down the seconds until the fight. She began writing out her wedding vows. Because nothing says "Honey, I've got your back for life" quite like a weaponized woman setting a trap for a criminal on your front porch.
Minutes later the mouse came for the cheese. Sonya unloads a half-can of bear spray on his sorry ass, and then takes time to tweet about it before giving chase:
And give chase she did, grabbing her bokken (you know, the wooden sword samurais train with) she took after the would-be package thief, all while live tweeting the narrative.
That's right, the police were "cracking up," their nervous laughter concealing utter humiliation that citizens have to sort to bear spray and swords to do the job the cops are paid to do.
Sonya didn't escape the encounter unscathed. She too was incapacitated by "blow back" from the chemical repellant.
At this point, having caught the neighborhood's most-wanted criminal, all while wrting wedding vows and live tweeting her adventures - and having been wounded in the process - most women would head for the tub with a bottle of Chardonnay and call it a day. Not our little vigilante.
She continued with her plans to host a dinner party. What was on the menu? Blow-torched prime rib and fried Brussels sprouts.
Sonya's soon-to-be husband better keep things in line. This woman has weapons and she's not afraid to use them.
Bear spray brings down an alleged burglar in Noe Valley | Crime Scene | an SFGate.com blog
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