(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)
You might be a felon if:
- You sneak into zombie movies. Couple That Snuck Into Movie Theater Faces Felony Charge In Indiana
- You snack during work. Walmart Presses Felony Charge In Oreo Theft | The Smoking Gun
- Slap your neighbor with laundry. Woman Pummels Elderly Neighbor With Wet Laundry, Cops Say - Oak Lawn, IL Patch
- You have an affinity for eyewear. Underage Drinker Grabs Cop's Glasses and Flees, Police Say - New Lenox, IL Patch
- You enjoy mixing business with pleasure. Mesa PD: Cab driver told women they could pay fare with sexual favors | azfamily.com Phoenix
- Taking a boat for a swim. Phillip Beach Accused Of Stealing A Sailboat By Pulling It While Swimming
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